I can’t thank you enough for your thoughtful, and helpful response. You hit the multiple nails on their respective heads. Your analysis played a significant role in my decision to coach and manage my son. It’s something we both want to pursue.

When you are coaching someone you are never telling them what they should do or even guiding them in the direction you think they should go. So if someone chooses to leave the company and that decision emerged from their conversations with you I don’t think that is a conflict of interest. In the end the “coachee” is 100% responsible for their choices.

When my dad had people working for him that he knew were unhappy (especially if he wanted to keep them) he would suggest they see what else is out there so they could get clearer about what they wanted. Essentially he was helping them to choose. Is that coaching? Is that a conflict of interest? He said it worked every time – whether they left or not the right conversations happened as a result and there was no sneaking around or manipulation involved.

I do think it is important to be clear about in which domains it is appropriate to coach someone some that are not. Although it seems to me that the decision has to be based on the situation (i.e, the topic or objective of the coaching, the relationship, and the skills and knowledge of the coach given the topic. So I don’t think there is a”one size tis all” scope.

What do you think?

Re: whether or not being someone’s coach AND manager is a conflict of interest: This often has to do with two things (assuming both parties have chosen): the purpose of the coaching and the level of trust. A good rule of thumb is that if you are even remotely concerned about a conflict of interest you should at least consider other options. Real or perceived, a conflict of interest will affect your effectiveness as a coach. If trust isn’t sufficient for the topic at hand, permission won’t be granted (even if they say they want your coaching you’ll likely experience resistance and/or discomfort if the trust isn’t there.)

In answer to your other question, does it make sense for you to coach your son? My response: if he wants you to coach him and you have the expertise to do so it can absolutely work. I have seen it work first hand in another company. Although I understand your concern about the appearance of favoritism being heightened with a parent/child relationship. Yet the results your son produces with your support are still his results – he is the player here. Where I think you can avoid mischief is by being squeaky clean when it comes to make sure there is no special treatment. He must be held accountable to the same standards are everyone else, no special treatment in terms of compensation, etc.. In some ways I actually think it is harder to be the bosses son. Whether you are coaching him or not there is always the risk of perceived favoritism.

That is my 2 cents anyway! I invite my other readers to weigh on this, too, especially if they have a different point of view.

Great stuff here and packed full of value for me. I am involved in a business project where my son and a very close friend are involved in the business. I placed my son on the sales team, and he reports directly to the VP of Sales. My close friend reports to me in my role as leading the day to day operations of the business.

My son is a terrific athlete. I made a decision early on never to “coach” him in athletics. He hears my voice every day as his Dad. I choose to continue my role as the Dad, and thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to add a second role as the”athletic” coach. He disagreed.

I’m not sure whether to be his “coach” in business; since he’s part of the sales team and is not a direct report to me. Or, leave it to other members of our organization. Any thoughts would be helpful.

I read with interest your description of a manager’s potential responsibility as a coach; a manager’s responsibility for the development of a direct report. What is the difference in the skill set for both of these roles? Almost seems like a conflict of interest, or apparent conflict of interest to assume both roles with someone who you manage. How will your other reports react to this apparent favorite son/daughter relationship?

I really enjoy your posts. Thanks.

Q: Is it possible to better define the scope of a coaching relationship between managers and employees?

Because I agree with Joe Williams, Gwyn Teatro, Mike Henry and yourself that, while “coaching” seems a core management competency expected from good leaders, still certain aspects of coaching can run counter to the role of a manager, or even the goals of the organization.

It would seem that authentic coaching could potentially advise the coachee against corporate interests; for example I know of instances where proper coaching caused the employee to actually leave his job, and that could be hard to reconcile with the role of a manager…

So can one define an agreement that allows one to have an authentic coaching relationship within the confines of a job, without potential conflict of interest?

@wholeself in my experience the 2 don’t go together. It is a cop out by mgmt to keep costs down & a missed op 4 gd coaching.

@MichaelRayD @Barb_Calabrese Only if you know when to switch hats ..and you’ve taught them to recoginize the difference.

@Glenn_SC I found it better. I felt more open 2 my coach than my manager.Growth is faster.

@TheCEOCoach: Absolutely can be done, but not every manager should be doing coaching of their directs.

@ritamoore well developed manger approaches their employees as a coach w/the mindset of helping every1 succeed.

@Catvamp sure most good managers do both and successfully, empathy is the wand to any great wizard

@Mike I do agree that every manager is a coach to the people who work for them in at least some domains, but “job performance” is perhaps too broad. As a manager we may be able to give feedback on performance, but may not have the skills to coach them in all aspects of their performance. For example you may be a highly competent technical manager but be lousy at dealing with relationship issues. Both are related to performance but you may not have the skills yourself to support people in all the areas they need support in. As you say thought, the real key is being committed to the success of your people whatever it takes.

@Joe Well said. The roles are very distinct and it helps to keep them distinct.

@Jan Thanks very much for the book recommendation. I had not heard of it.

@Steve I think there are more unintended consequences
than people realize when coaching is given in the absence of making sure the three things I talk about here are addressed.

@Jan and @Steve I submitted a question to wordpress support to see if I can get instructions on how to display your avatar. It may be that I need to upgrade my blog for that – will get back to you as soon as I have an answer.

Another informative and nicely crafted post. Managers can easily overstep their bounds by attempting to coach their reports resulting in unintended consequences. I think many organizations would benefit from understanding that both roles are necessary but that they draw upon complimentary skill sets.

I agree with Gwyn about the importance of providing coaching training to managers before they are thrust into dual roles.

And, I think Jann and I both need to get some gravitars!

Steve