Comments on: On the Other Side of Right

By: Gwyn Teatro

Gwyn Teatro — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:15:26 +0000

When I was attending classes for coaching certification, one of the operating principles used and agreed to was “No one gets to be wrong”.
I liked that principle very much because it allowed for a greater level of tolerance between and among participants when disagreements arose.
Subsequently, I used the “No one gets to be wrong” principle when facilitating meetings or workshops and found that it allowed much more room for opposing perspectives than it might have otherwise. People seemed to stand back just a little longer to consider opposing viewpoints and look for what actually might be right about what was being said.

On a personal level, sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I forget this very simple principle and the outcome is rarely satisfactory. But, when I remember it, I find I’m better able to stand back from the situation and consider perspectives other than my own with more grace.

Thanks for another thought-provoking post, Susan.

By: Tom Volkar / Big Link Rally

Tom Volkar / Big Link Rally — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:47:23 +0000

I agree. Acceptance is not the only authentic choice I didn’t intend to give that impression. Walking away (removing ourselves form the situation) is authentic as well as working to change it as you state. But now I’m wondering if even resistance can be an authentic choice if it’s aligned with who we are and the only choice we can see to make in that moment?

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:06:27 +0000

Thank you Ron. I will look forward to that post.

I was thinking this morning that nothing is worth fighting over, but there are a lot of things worth fighting for. It is only when we get our ego out of the way that we can actually discern the latter for ourselves.

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:04:14 +0000

So true Jane. And even when we may be victimized by another’s righteousness we do not have to be victims.

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:02:54 +0000

Your point that “acceptance is not agreement but simply a choice that allows us to be without being emotionally disturbed” is well stated.

Although I don’t think acceptance is the only authentic choice. When there is opportunity to work to change the situation I think we should go for it. Yet there is a satisfaction we get from working it out – an kind of itch we get to scratch called closure or resolution. Acceptance is sometimes our only available choice – it is a very freeing choice to be certain but is perhaps the most difficult of all.

Thanks Tom!

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:58:29 +0000

I like that idea – let’s all be right, just stop making other people feel like they are not!

You are always welcome to be right here Mike!

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:56:22 +0000

Great points Bear. It is in those moments when we choose to put our defensiveness and attachment to our ideas aside that the magic of collaboration reveals itself.

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:54:20 +0000

Thank you Meredith. I am a big fan of Peter Senge and his work. A brilliant guy and a class act! The 5th Discipline is a fabulous and timeless book.

Appreciate you introducing some of the tools that are not only effective, but essential to getting to the other side!

Mary Jo Asmus posted a wonderful post on the power of dialogue titled “From Judgment to Curiosity” that is also in line with what you are saying here http://www.aspire-cs.com/from-judgment-to-curiosity

By: Susan Mazza

Susan Mazza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:46:10 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing your insight and wisdom Monica. Every time we find ourselves in this kind of situation (either side actually) truly is an opportunity for growth and learning.

This statement in particular struck me as big very important in dealing with these situations: “The need to be right is nothing but defensiveness. There is an underlying insecurity that makes any opposing force a threat.”

By: Ron Hurst

Ron Hurst — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:40:37 +0000

Susan great post. Thoughtful introspective and balanced. I particularly like the questions you suggest be asked. All five are right on for a growing effective leader.

I particlarly like the second question as it really attacks our ego. The ability to see past our own perspective and selfishness toward a vision of whether the point of disagreement has any real consequence is significant. Walk away if the disagreement is over something minor.

There is one other possible question to consider here and I think I will blog about it on my website http://developaleader.com, that is what can I do to truly understand where the otehr person is coming from. In my estimation this is a critical step to trying to find a win win answer.

great article

lead well

Ron