Before we can answer how a leader becomes a leader, it helps to ask a different question first. How do you know you are a leader? Because how else would you know you had actually become one?
Consider that you already do the things leaders do, regardless of your level or title. You speak up when something matters to you. You step in and step up when you have something to offer. You have stood up for someone or something. And there are countless other ways you have been leading that you may not have recognized as leadership.
So if some part of you (or someone you lead) is still waiting to be a leader, the wait is over.
Being a leader doesn’t begin with a new title that says you are a leader. It begins the moment you choose to be a leader. You don’t need to be THE leader to be a leader. That is the premise of how Random Acts of Leadership™ began in 2006. And for twenty years I have been at work with people at every level of organizations big and small around the world, on exactly this: everyday leadership through everyday action.
And in all that time, here is what became clear about those everyday acts.
Not every act of leadership is consequential. But every one builds the leader who meets the moments that count most.
Why we only recognize leaders by rank
Consider that we were taught to recognize only the consequential kind as leadership. And in the everyday, where almost nothing looks consequential, we fall back on the only signal we can see: title and position. So we come to recognize leaders by rank, and the everyday acts that actually build a leader go unnoticed. Including the leadership we are already demonstrating ourselves.
When I speak, I ask people to name a leader. The names come fast. Gandhi. Martin Luther King. Mother Teresa. The president of the country, or of their own company. Every one of them real. Every one larger than life.
Then I ask why no one named the person sitting next to them.
Because somewhere along the way we turned leadership into something lofty. A platform. A movement. A title with a lot of people under it. Something reserved for big stages, history books, and people whose names everyone already knows. And when that is your picture of a leader, you can scan your own ordinary week and find nothing in it that counts. No speeches. No movements. No history. So you conclude you are not leading yet. You are still on your way.
But the everyday acts were leadership the whole time, the ones you took and the ones taken all around you by people who would never call it that. The point someone finally named. The colleague who stepped in. The person who held the line when it would have been easier to let it go. None of it made the news and none of it even got talked about in the hallways. All of it was leadership. And despite going unnoticed, every one of those acts built the leader you already are.
That is what we were trained not to count. And the leadership we count least of all is our own.
When you’re told to show more leadership
I have lost count of the people who have come to me after a performance review, told they were not ready for the promotion because they needed to show more leadership. So they asked the only sensible question. What does that mean? What do I actually need to do? And what comes back is a fog of buzzwords, never a clear thing to do. Be more strategic. Have more presence. Take more ownership. And inevitably what they hear is some version of this: I will know you are ready when I see you already doing it.
Sit with how maddening that is. You are being measured against something no one will name, and told you will be credited for it only once you have somehow arrived there on your own.
And in fairness, the person giving that feedback is usually not holding out on you. They were never taught to recognize leadership in action either. They know it when they see it and feel its absence when it is gone, but they have no words for it, and so no bridge to give you. It is not unkindness. It is what happens to leadership when everyone points to it and no one can name it.
And that is the real problem. It is not the people. It is the question. Ask what leadership is, and you often get more buzzwords or an inspirational-sounding definition. Ask what it looks like, and you get clarity about what you can actually do as a leader.
So what does leadership look like in action?
Leadership is speaking up, stepping up, and standing up for something that matters to you and makes a difference for others.
So here is how to spot the moment. Ask two questions. Does it matter to you? And is there a difference to be made for someone else? If you can say yes to both, it is a moment of opportunity for you to lead. That is the whole test. Not your title. Not your rank. Not whether you are the most senior person in the conversation. You simply lead in the moments that call for your leadership.
They were already leading before they knew it
I have watched this recognition take hold in people who could not be more different. Start with Phillip.
Phillip is a civilian working for the US Navy. There was a leadership program he was waiting to apply for until he was a leader someday. Then he attended a Leading Made Simple™ workshop, where he learned that everyday leadership through everyday action is what makes a person a leader. He walked out one hour later, surprised to discover he was already one. In his own words, it made him realize he “did not need a leadership title in order to be a leader.” So he applied. He was accepted, and later helped deliver the program to others.
That, by itself, is the answer to how a leader becomes a leader. He did not become one. He already was one, already acting like one. All that changed was that he could recognize the ways he was already leading. He now had a choice to continue leading and to go to work on elevating his leadership from there.
Teri got there from a different place. She had built a career in corporate communications without a formal leadership title. When she came into our Fire Up Your Leadership™ program, she was seeking a promotion so she could be a leader. But when she realized she was already leading, she no longer needed to chase it. In her own words, “even without a typical leadership title I could prove myself as a successful leader through my actions.” Being a leader without the title was enough. Nonetheless, not long after, she got the promotion.
Different career paths, different circumstances, and yet the same discovery: they became leaders the day they recognized the ways they were already leading.
So the next time you are told to show more leadership and no one can say what they mean, you will know what they could not. And the next time you are the one who has to name it for someone else, you will have the words. You can provide the bridge no one could provide for you.
How does a leader become a leader?
One act of leadership at a time.
Not someday, when the title arrives or you finally feel ready. You have been leading all along, in ordinary acts you never thought to name as leadership. And those acts have been doing three things at once. They built the leader you already are. They are building the leader you are now growing into. And they are laying the groundwork for becoming the leader you are meant to be.
Everyday leadership through everyday action. Leading really is that simple, and it is within reach of anyone, in any moment that matters.
And none of it asks you to do more. It is about leading differently in the moments you are already living.
So stop waiting. Not for a title, not for permission, not for a moment big enough to count. The next one is already in front of you. When something matters to you and there is a difference to be made, lead.
What is one ordinary moment from this week you would now count as an act of leadership?
Tell me about it in the comments, or send me a note through my contact page. I read every one.
And if this named something for someone you know, send it to them. These moments are easy to miss on your own. Sometimes what helps most is having someone see them with you.