Have you ever changed your mind about a situation or about a person? What about changing your mind about a belief – something you believed to not only be a truth, but THE truth?
It is no small thing for anyone to change what you believe to be true.
It can happen when you have a life-altering experience. Yet it can also happen purely by listening to others with an open mind. Anyone who has fought to change the way someone else sees the world knows, however, just how hard it can be to influence, let alone change, what someone else believes.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”8embu” via=”no” ]It is the open-minded around us who give us a truly great gift – they are not only willing to listen, but they are willing to change their mind.[/ctt]
A personal story about the gift of an open mind.
I can remember vividly fighting to change my dad’s mind about the role of women. He occasionally came to one of my basketball or softball games and would say things like “isn’t that cute” or point out something that showed why women aren’t designed to be athletes. He would come home from work and would share stories that ended with the point:
“and that is why you can’t have women in management positions”.
He made me so mad! There were countless times when I walked away from our interactions feeling defeated and resigned. I spent a lot of time and energy as I grew up trying to figure out how to prove him wrong about who women could be in the world. If I were being honest though, my motive was more selfish than that – it was really about wanting him to see me for who I could be in the world.
Yet ultimately, he was the one who encouraged me to go to college to get the degree he never did. He even wanted me to follow in his footsteps in business. When I graduated from college, I had a few job offers, but he didn’t agree with my choice. We argued and made a bet about how it would turn out. The loser had to buy the winner dinner. I won. Yet winning the bet was not the real triumph.
Over that dinner, he shared that he had changed the way he thought about women in business over the years. He told me that one woman, in particular, had the biggest impact on his beliefs. I asked him who it was, and I was truly surprised and honored to hear that he was talking about me.
Just because someone argues with you, does not mean they are not listening with an open mind.
One of the things I most respected about my father was his ability to listen to and be influenced by others’ points of view. He loved to debate and to win an argument, so he could leave others (especially me!) thinking he that still thought he was right after the fact.
Yet time and time again he demonstrated what being open minded looks like in action – he acknowledged learning something new and how it caused him to change his mind. It wasn’t until that moment though that I had realized that his open-mindedness applied to me, too. I was so caught up in the battle to win, I had missed that he was with me listening and learning the whole time. It also turns out that I had a few beliefs about him that were flat out wrong.
I wish he was still here so I could say thank you for having the compassion and the courage to listen and to change, for listening to me, and for being a role model in leading and living with an open mind.
Consider this…when you find yourself feeling frustrated that the people around you aren’t changing or aren’t changing fast enough, consider pressing the pause button.
Look around and take a moment to say thank you to the people who are still beside you -listening, learning, challenging, and changing. You’ll know who they are because even though they may challenge you, they are still right there beside you, fighting for a better future with you.
And while you’re at it you might consider practicing being more open-minded yourself by listening, learning and even changing your own mind on occasion.
P.S. This post was inspired by the movie “On the Basis of Sex”, the story of Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s first gender discrimination case that was tried before the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals. As I watched RBG’s fight to not only change minds, but to change laws, I had an “aha moment” that making the case for change is only one side of the equation essential to progress.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”LUP82″ via=”yes” ]No matter who is the one to fight for change, someone must be willing to listen openly enough to have their minds changed or nothing will change.[/ctt]
Not only am I reminded to open my own mind, but I am also awakened to the importance of appreciating those who have opened their minds to me.
How readily you let your own mind be changed has a lot to do with your leadership style. The Leadership Style Quiz will show you which of the five you lead from.
Great post! I’d also point out that many aren’t convinced by our words, nearly as much as they convince themselves as they observe our actions.
Thank you Mike! And yes, our deeds speak much louder than our words!